I’m getting back into my reading actual books time. In a day in age when we are always on the go and most simple things have been made simpler with the use of technology, we must remember to breath – not for life but for perspective. I’ll admit, I fall into this category a lot and did with listening to a book because I really wanted to join this tribe but halfway into the audiobook, I knew I needed this as a hard copy.

Rachel Hollis is the author of Girl Wash Your Face. These are her stories to encourage us to stop believing the lies about who we are so we can become who we were meant to be.

Sundays are full of sadness for me at times. It’s the end of the weekend which consists of freedom in so many variations of the word and the return to false happiness so outsiders aren’t constantly in your business. Not saying that I’m not grateful for the position I’m in now because I truly am. This is what I have been praying and waiting for for a number of years. But with that position comes realization of what is still missing. Reading Girl Wash Your Face made me think about the lies I’ve told myself over the years. Its how she starts all of the chapters in the book. The title, “The Lie: I Will Never Get Over This” kinda hit me hard.

With my mom’s passing, I learned about the stages of grief and how everyone deals with them differently. I personally ran away from what caused my grief to avoid all memories of it. It’s not until now, almost 20 years later that I realized I was running away. Every time I moved for a “new career advancement or salary increase”, I actually was putting distance between myself and the life changing event to keep some part of my sanity. I didn’t want to deal with it until I was forced to deal with it. And not dealing with it towards the beginning has me forgetting parts of it. I literally DO NOT remember at least two years of my life. Crazy right but it’s the truth.

But how much of a blessing is it to have a Savior that does not give up on you, even when you have given up on yourself. Five years after my mom’s passing, God thought he was funny and gave her right back to me in the form of my daughter. She is the spitting image of my mom and my now reason for “getting over it”. I felt I had a responsibility to this new life and I was was not going to fail at this task that I was chosen for. Which leads to today’s list of gratefulness.

1. I am grateful for waking up to see another day.
2. I am grateful for my daughter being healthy and wise.
3. I am grateful for being able to be a positive role model while overcoming the stereotypes of a single mother.
4. I am grateful for build your own pizzas – SERIOUSLY!!!
5. I am grateful for the sunshine.
6. I am grateful for forgiveness as without it I could be holding onto lots of past anger.
7. I am grateful for conversation with my brother (Lord knows it has not always been this way).
8. I am grateful for friendships that can withstand a storm.
9. I am grateful that my Lord and Savior did not give up on me even when I gave up on myself.
10. I am grateful for the blessings that are being set for my life without me even knowing what’s coming.

I’m trying to stick with this challenge as its helping me become more transparent. Those that truly know me, are aware of the red brick walls that secure my life. Like I said earlier, I didn’t think I could get over this and I don’t think I ever will. But I can accept it, learn from it, and share so others can realize they’re not alone.

~Kelli